Riot’s Twinkle Toed Narrative Writer trying to sound profound without landing the logic.

Check this, Riot Games trying to sound profound without landing the logic.

This is from Udyr, The Spirit Walker’s Bio on Riot’s website.

"The most powerful spirit walker alive, Udyr communes with all the spirits of the Freljord, whether by empathically understanding their needs, or by channeling and transforming their ethereal energy into his own primal fighting style. He seeks balance within, so that his mind does not get lost amidst others, but he also seeks balance without—for the Freljord's mystical landscape can only thrive with the growth that comes from conflict and struggle, and Udyr knows that sacrifices must be made to keep peaceful stagnance at bay."

Fucking… Wow!

Figuratively speaking on a metaphorical pedestal, the depth of this writing is absolutely dog shit. It reads like a Care Bear got face fucked by candy words.

Riot's nonsensical lore writing can lean so hard into poetic abstraction that it starts to blur meaning, aiming for vibe over clarity and sounding like a mouth full of cotton balls doused in piss.

"Keep peaceful stagnance at bay" sounds disjointed but mythic, and if you stop to parse it, it doesn’t hold up well under scrutiny.

It mashes up:

Peace, which is typically good,

Stagnance, which is negative,

And then says that this combo needs to be "kept at bay", i.e., avoided.

The writer of this Bio needs to seek balance within his anus to inhibit the diarrhea from seeking balance without… of his wet mouth hole.

Obviously, a very essential someone rocked up to work and chose the-middle-finger-to-the-readers’ day to write this. Do Riot even know who their audience is?

It’s primarily isolated adolescent boys and virgin Koreans. The average LOL player communes with all the spirits of a large bag of potato chips and a slab of Monster Energy. Whether by empathically understanding their need for toilet breaks or by channeling and transforming their ethereal energy into stabbing the cat because they lost a very appropriately imperative Lol battle. No what I’m saying Bro? It’s just so that his mind does not get lost amidst others, for his mother's basement’s mystical landscape can only thrive with the growth that comes off his cheesy penis with conflict and struggle.

No fucking wonder Riot sacked the narrative team. By the sounds of Udyr’s bio, and by the read of most of their horse shit lore, they were all on the Riot espionage black budget “Fuck about and Get paid” train.

Udyr’s Bio reads like some Daim Bar sat at his computer on a Thursday afternoon after sniffing an amphetamine laced line of cocaine in the Riot HQ toilets and now he’s coming up and thinks he’s writing the most silky, sexy and profound gift to the world since a magical child was born in Bethlehem. While Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat is at the computer producing his golden writing, CEO Sicko Nicko is chasing his young female assistant around the offices with cupped farts, leaving a trail of fake tan and putrid, greasy sweat along the carpet behind him.

Arcane was not written by anyone at Riot

Honestly, Riot’s lore and bios are dog shit. There is absolutely zero percent chance that anyone at Riot Games could write Arcane or even convert my manuscript to Arcane without outside help and babysitting.

And yet they say Arcane was a “Love Letter to the Fans” whilst stealing the trauma writing of a disabled and dyslexic writer and whilst retconning the nonsensical pixie dust backstories of all the characters that they force-fucked into my narratives to build Arcane.

Skippy me this?

Skippy me this, Skippy me that, Riot Games stinks like a rat.

I mean, did Skippy even help the kids trapped in the mine, or was that Vi from LOL all along?

“What’s that, Skippy? The kids are trapped down the old mine shaft! One second my Macropodidae subordinate who gives birth to relatively undeveloped young that continue to develop inside your pouch on your abdomen. Let me put on these metallic gloves I stole from Misha The Fists of Colossus, so I can fist the hell out of your dark and messy mine hole to save the kiddies.

What a joke. Guess who helped write Vi’s lore? Christian Weak Linke Broken Violin Nazi One Mistake Policy Praeco and his favourite cleaning instrument Alex Mop Yee Soggy Skribbles. And Riot Games want you to believe that these Bromancing fight porn obsessed Dictators of Animation at Riot Games wrote Arcane in Mid-2020 after they had access to my manuscript and after Melinda Dilger arrived in mid-2020 with cartons of goats milk and bedtime stories to read as she babysat and tucked the fuckwits into the same bed so she could get to work, converting my stolen manuscript and letting the brats take the credit while she “helped Arcane cross the finish line.”

Helped Arcane cross the finish line… by devising the whole L.A. production pipeline in coordination with Hervé Dupont at Fortiche to complete the first season’s nine episodes and to help Riot score a distribution deal with Netflix in cahoots with CBG and UTA because at the time, the streamer’s executives signed on based on the pilot alone, really, not much else.

Thus, Sicko Nicko secured the greenlight for full funding on my manuscript in mid-2020. Curly Wurly Overton, the cultural fit, was sent over from UTA to convert my Bloodborg: The Harvest novel manuscript into episodic animation scripts. Fortiche produced the Animation across three swanky new studios paid for by Riot Games’s new narrative IP venture (my manuscript). And Melinda Dilger ran the show whilst the two Bros spat goats milk into each other’s mouths, took credit for Dilger’s work, and accepted awards for my real life trauma writing.

Prison cells are the safest place for filth bags like Weak Linke and Mop Yee because karma hits like a prickly cunt on a beating stick.

Steven Pinker Quote

Udyr’s bio and Riot’s writing is generally utterly self-aggrandising Himerdingdong Yordle manure.

One of my favourite quotes is this from Steven Pinker.

“Pseudo‑intellectuals try to bamboozle their readers with highfalutin gobbledygook, despite the fact that they have nothing to say.”

And never has it rang truer than when reading anything written by Riot Games.

And that Riot Games, is why you must endlessly steal IP.

But I’m coming for you. I’m taking down the whole sleeper cell so you can Riot no more and to “keep peaceful stagnance at bay."

What a bunch of cunts.

See you on the battlefield, you’ll be wearing red.  

M.W. Wolf Ltd.